in three days Dancekool Vol.24

omg! big dance event biggest popping battle of Australian History in 3 days!!!

hmm yeah you know when you guess or expect something
and then you're wrong or you're right but its not quite what you wanted
yeah i'm going through that right now

i want something but it isn't possible
i can put effort in but be criticised
i know its wrong but i don't fully understand

i can't make foolish mistakes.

FINISHED ENGLISH!

omg i finally finished english for hsc!
it was kinda hard but then you know..
if i fail o well haha ><
hurrah 1 step closer to freedom!

i got a Study room at the library!!!

its 5:09 at macq library and i stumbled across a group study room on the 2nd floor!
hurrah! it has a electrical power point!!! Time to study!
dam i feel motivated!

Future thoughts... NOW!

* Disclaimer... long read and i fall asleep before i finish it so i ended quickly :D

Got home from the library and well when i got home i addressed the issue troubling me..

Well i homed it did the usual get dressed into watnot... and i confronted my sister in her room and i asked "what do i do.... if my HSC doesn't work out?"
She began telling me what my family should have properly told me from the beginning/...

It all began grade 6. I was kinda peaved off cause my parents didn't let me do the selective test and they just put me in Carlo high school [ Which i don't regret now ] but it damaged my subconscious ( first time typing that word >< i had to google it ) and i kinda got detered from studying i don't really blame my study on them I blame my study on the pressure and unnecessary lectures they gave me.

You know? most of the fights around the house were because of study related issues. I guess it was my fault for not studying so much and being lazy around the house... lol.. but you know i didn't need my parents telling me "No Child of mine will live under my roof if he fails to get into Uni" and i was seriously... ok... and thats how i was raised. my parents told my grandparents "yes of course Hyung Jun is studying well, Yes he's working his best!" when i hell wasn't... i began to understand in Korean society the level of your sons disipline and knowledge was the leverage parents had to boast. Well it was one of those things.. and the fact it gained to respect, a place in uni, and a job.

My Dad is a very Strict man and i don't believe i'll fully understand him untill i become a father but... just sometimes i don't know if i've become so used to the hostility of my Dad i've become more violent... zzz... I don't blame my father for the miscommunication between us. Its because he speaks korean to me and i speak broken korean/ english to him... and because we were raised in different times with diffrent contexts and culture. My Parents when we fought said i had the devil in me... lol because well i always remember the bad things instead of the good times and my parents thought my head was on the wrong way round and well yea i remember the bad things above the good things really. Quote "A blanket can be bleached to white pure and be pristine but one drop of grease can ruin the purity" Or some quote like that lol don't hold me on it... But you get the picture right? i don't hate myself for remembering the bad things its just that it stands out.

List of the Lol things my parents did too me...
Mum : featherduster and the spatula were her favourite tools of hitting me :D, She hit me cause i didn't eat her korean traditional food... which i love now!
i could list more but... i can't help but hold back.. don't wanna... make it seem my mum was evil LOL. cause she wasn't..

Dad: quote "whts your job?" me "a student" Dad: "so go study".... another day....But then screams at me to clean my room whilst studying and his direct quote was "stop studying and clean its more important to clean and become a person then to study..
And i could kinda undertand what he was getting too.. but was he messing with my mind? yes maybe...

My parents constant brain washing lead up to the end of year 10 when i gained my independance and learned much about the world...i began to fight more with my parents and pretty much my bottom arguement was "let me live my life not yours" and i thought my parents forced their unrequited dreams onto me but you know i guess they were thinking for the best... and i thought that then but i know better now!
If they are the parents i know then they were just looking out for me but i dont' think they did it correctly.... i don't think you should shove it down my throat...
i've still got more on my mind... but my mind is falling asleep.... :D

So here i am 3am still thinking about what i should do about the HSC and i believe instead of going to UNI..... i'll do something else...
my mind is really falling apart.. must sleep soon..

I'm listening to atm... before i fall asleep : kara - Mister
Long read i know...

Legal studies session at Friends House.

10:53 going to start studying legal. I've been well, should have been more consontrated in my studies... i should get back to it...

Thursday Night.... 12:42 Friday ?

Okk.. one of the most asked questions for me answered?

1. Why did you move schools... and move back?
Well Question 1.... I attended Carlingford High School years 7-9 thenn Epping Boys years 9-11 and then not surprisingly as the question goes.. Carlo classs of 09~! [Carlo '09]

Well my nosey friend it all began ... when my mum confronted me and said " hey son your going for an interview for a school get dressed" and?? i did... little at that time did i actually realise what i was leaving behind and all i thought then was. Hey this doesn't seem a bad of an adventure! into a new school, new friends just a fresh start! The adventure began and it was alright it was fun it was great hanging with the boys going out having fun!!! but then ....

I began to realise near the end of yer 10 .... how much fun my close friends in carlo were having... and i rang them once in a while... i never hung with them .. and it just so happened to seem.. the most exciting days in carlingford high school seemed to be when i had left..

" the grass is always greener on the other side"

and this applied perfectly! I began to question my parents on their motives for moving schools and such and i didn't see them backing their issue with much cause. They just did it on a whim thinking it be better for me so i made a decision for myself and i enrolled myself back at Carlingford high school. That was really why. No werid reason at all.

I had a very full High School Experience.... or HSE~~
the Past 2ish years of year 11 and 12 have probably been the most fulfilling sure i had to start all over again.. but i think back and i can only laugh at how i was.
I was given the choice to also apply for selective schools but... what can i say? Carlo had so many fun and lovable people!

maybe i should answer these questions one by one post at a day don't wanna write too much haha :D

What am i listening too?
Some Korean movie my dad is watching about a korean band .. i think its called exploding Volcano? and its one of their songs seems to be the ending of the movie ish..

anyways thanks for reading~!

Black Holes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_hole

Scary stuff...

Night time but new day. thursday 8th of Oct..

i'm actually writing this in 2:30 in the night so heh
i enjoyed a day of distracted study and playment at my friends house.
touched on many touchy issues throughout the day all simply summed up with the word.

Love.

to love Something or someone seems to be the motive for watever we're doing

you love money? so you work
you love fame? so get noticed
you love Ice cream? then go eat it
you love someone? then it gets quite complicating.

well many crushes or i'd like to name them loves nibblets are the small or maybe large attraction one person has for another you may not act on it and let it pass or you may choose to risk and confess.

It seems to be the most cliche and over-rated issue. Love? it appears in Drama's, television, Movies, and in our normal daily lives. Are we becoming desensitized to love? well thats not what i'm hear to say. ( leave that to another day)

Well for me unrequited is a term quite familar to me and is what i have observed to be most common among teenagers in school. You may like one but he or she may like another and its like playing Russian Roulette' without a gun don't really know when, how and what and its this love that creates it so interesting.

I guess its just about finding the right person.
Well i guess its mearly the excitement of having someone you like and thinking about it somewhat kindergardern playbut its sure better then having no one to relate / think about.

Listening to Abrakadabra - Brown Eyed Girls

Time for sleep? YES..

Edited in the morning spelling error X_X

First Blog 6th Oct. ft. Troubles as of now

haven't really written anything in a while.... should be doing work for HSC too. aiya!
so whats been happening now.... well guess the influences of a certain somebodeeee convinced me to start blogging.!? which is good. lets me practice my writing???

Well let see... HSC coming up don't think i'll do so well but i did graduate from school! thats gotta count for something.
Formal was just recently too. As well the after party, unforgetable times with friends, new ones and stronger relationships created through experience. Though we'll soon be apart and then reunited.
I've had a colourful school life experience as i....... attended Carlo years. 7-9 .... then epping boys year 9 - 11 then back to carlo again to finish year 12 ... Yay! We'll leave that story for another time :)

I've had the same flu for about a week now.. since the day before the formal and its really getting to me.. but thats not what most has been troubling me. HSC doesn't seem like that much of a problem for me. Sure with that mindset i'll end up getting a horrible mark! but you know its not worth killing yourself over as i've known people who have. The pressure(s) i've undergone by my family with my sisters and the comparing they've put me through has taken a reverse effect on me ... LOL ( what msn jargon?? )

Parents telling me Ohh yeah you're the only son.. yeah about that? Whats it like being the oldest or something? soo much of that... Hey you're the youngest make sure you do better then the rest! And being the only son of a 3 child family? Geez like they tell me Quote "David we really kept trying untill we got a son you know? make us proud! and what am i suppose to say.. er... yeah sure sugar?" Bring raised up in a Australian community with Korean Strict parents don't go tooo well you know? And it has all sandpiled inside and i guess the after effects are slowing now.

I can't top my sisters. Why you ask?? WELL THEY HAVEN"T TOLD ME THEIR UAI!!! [ now is ATAR ] not to mention my sisters didn't even need their UAI. They auditioned into Sydney Uni playing piano.. and somehow i've gotta get over 90 ATAR which i don't see happening.. i mean honestly i'll only manage highest? 85? and thats alright right? but that equals DEATH and SHAME. Still i guess i'll try my best but honestly... I only went to school cause of my Dad. I might not turn out like a lamo accountant like him but i could say i went through high school life for the experience and life lessons and friendships you make and thats totally worth it.

Well Because err Yukki san is waiting i'll end with a quote from the 4U maths teacher at our school.
"You won't remember what you studied in school but the fun time you had with all your friends"

And! i'm listening too Gara Gara Go! (ガラガラ Go!) By Big Bang atm

:D